Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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