you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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