Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize