he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
this hospital has no fireball
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
