U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
