I feel great
I just peed on a car
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
