He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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