imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize