I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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