so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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