u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
