i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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