woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
