make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
