My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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