even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
