please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize