I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just forgot I was standing up.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
