do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
