I puked a lego.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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