All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
