So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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