when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
