No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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