If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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