he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Randomize
