Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
