Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
