You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
