Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
bring money and cleavage
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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