I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
