I wish life had little blips of pornography
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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