youre lurking in front of me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
