Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
