No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
