She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
