Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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