if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
