I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
