This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
