Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
