It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
