your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She said her name was "party"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
