so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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