I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
