I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
