Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
