I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
