Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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