This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
