jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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