I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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