I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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