I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
