Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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