you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
