toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
