I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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