Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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