Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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