don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
