All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
