Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
