First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
me + whiskey = a bad person
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
