and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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