dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
