oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
