Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
