i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
