I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
