Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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