He is an equal opportunity slut.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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