The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
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