Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
