he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
