I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she told me i tasted like america
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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