We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
