I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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