I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is classic penis vs brain.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
