If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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