Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
