Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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