it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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