You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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