Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
