Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
