I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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